Reading
this story I wrote in 2009, I couldn’t help but think it still rings true for
me. The circumstances are most
certainly different, but I have just recently emerged from another ‘life
changing’ experience and the fundamental principles of taking risk and being
open to what may come still apply.
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| The winding, glorious streets of San Miguel de Allende |
INSPIRATION
– March 2009
Before
I left to spend the month of February in Mexico, some of my concerned friends
expressed their dismay over my trip.
“You’re going alone? Aren’t you afraid?” I admit I shared their concerns. Even though I knew that San Miguel de Allende, a colonial
city in the middle of the country, was safe and beautiful, the idea of not
knowing ANYONE and being so far away, for so long, was unnerving.
So,
why was I doing this? That was the
big question with a fairly simple answer: to see what, if anything, was left
inside of me. To find out who I was at this odd juncture of my life,
where so much of what had defined ‘Me’ no longer existed. I was sick
of looking in the mirror and thinking: Who am I now? My business, my
place in the community is gone. My
marriage is failing, my beloved dog has died. All I saw was a sad, lost, purpose-deprived old woman. I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
Coming
to this kind of crossroads is hardly a unique experience. We all go
through these passages throughout our adult lives, as we continue to develop
and as the winds of external circumstances push us around. Sometimes a
minor course correction is all that is necessary. Sometimes, major surgery is required.
As I boarded the plane for Mexico on Sunday, February 1, I wasn’t really sure what treatment was
in store. Did I need an attitude
adjustment or was it going to be major surgery? I had no idea. I just knew I had to go.
By
the time I arrived at my rental in downtown in San Miguel, without knowing
where anything was, how to purchase necessities like food and - right away - a
bottle of wine, I was close to panic. What was I thinking? What was I doing here?
How would I manage?
To
my rescue came my Yoga training.
The only thing to do was breathe, take it moment by moment and be open
to the experience, wherever it may lead.
By the next morning, as I walked through the winding streets,
encountering warm and friendly faces, sunshine and bougainvillea, I began to
suspect I was headed toward a revelation.
In
no time at all, I began to make new friends, find my way around town (yes,
there was food and wine!), go to school and learn a lot more Spanish. I started to feel lighter, younger,
different. I realized I was
smiling a lot. I was no longer the
sad, lost woman that had boarded the plane in Boston.
I
was beginning to write myself a new story, even though I had become pretty
attached to my old one – my personal “movie” that I, my friends and family had created together. In reality,
when I looked in the eyes of all
the familiar people in my life– my cast members – I saw what they saw – the
character in the story that I had created. It defined me.
But,
now I had given myself the opportunity, to pull myself out of that movie. I had set myself down somewhere else,
where everyone I met was new and looked at ME, not my story, not my history. In the mirror of their eyes, I began to
see myself anew.
I began to see possibility. I realized I had a choice: ‘I don’t have
to be sad. I don’t have to be lost. I can write a new movie where I
am the heroine. I can make peace with the past and close those old doors
that keep creaking open. It can be a new day!’
The
revelation had begun and I had to write about it.
I
set up a website to chronicle my trip – observations, ideas and images of this
singular event in my life. I also hoped that sharing all this with the
‘folks back home’ would keep open the lines of communication and help to
alleviate any homesickness I might feel.
It never occurred to me that sharing what was happening for me would
actually make a difference to anyone else. But, as it turned out, I was contacted by many women
who followed my journey, telling me that I was an inspiration to them. Me - an inspiration? Well, sure - if I could find a
new purpose, new hope, a new “movie”, then they might be able to do that too! It was pretty exciting knowing
that my experiences were blowing some fresh air in others’ lives!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At
this time of crisis in my own life, I chose to drag my tired self to a foreign
country hoping to shed old skin, and a narrative that just wasn’t working
anymore. But, really, this work of
re-writing your own story can be done anywhere, any time you choose. It can begin with the smallest
decision, a change of mind. A
change of heart. An opening of
your eyes. Taking a risk
that feels strange and scary.
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| I make new friends easily. |
Be
brave. Dare to be ‘not the
same’. You will see yourself
anew, reflected back in even the most familiar pair of eyes.
Who
knows? You may become an
inspiration!
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| In January, I knew none of these people! |
